The Chapter That Never Ended - The Original Picture Painted In Every Shade Of Blue

I apologise for the dearth of posts lately- but something totally unexpected happened...

Continuing to write the book of my life- there was a chapter that was never resolved.

The chapter was that of a lovely young woman who struck me like a bolt of lightning a year after the break-up of my first marriage in 1973.

I thought I had known something of love by the time I turned 22 in 1974. I didn't know anything really. That young woman- Diane- gently and lovingly tutored me.

The magic time we fell in love was actually kind of brief. The 7 months or so we lived together in late 1974 and early 1975 was hotter than any star. Like a whirlwind- we became soulmates.

I had began writing songpoems just before meeting Diane- this lady would inspire those writings not only during our brief encounter- but also over the coming decades.

Just one of our tender moments- recalled even 20 years later- would inspire those loving but often painfully-written odes to loves found and lost.

Nothing mattered but each other- but by the summer of 1975- we somehow drifted apart. She left my life- but never my heart.

The years went by and both of us found other lovers.

I was lucky the 2nd time around- finding a lovely woman in 1978 who also became a soulmate to me. Not many men ever find one- let alone two who touch their very soul over a lifetime.

But the unresolved first soulmate was never forgotten.

Through the years- Diane and I would touch base with each other every few years or so- as special friends. In those quiet late-nights- I would sometimes listen to the recordings we made and gaze upon the few photos that remained of that wonderful and tender time we had together- and I would ponder what happened- thinking "why?"

I wondered often where she was- and if she was happy. That was always all that mattered to me when it's true love. But those feelings were only fleeting- I was content with my 2nd wife Debi and she gave to me all a man could ask.

Diane and I got together one night in 1986. However- my 2nd marriage was just breaking up- with all the gut-wrenching that came with it. Diane understood- comforted me- but our time still wasn't right and nothing happened between us.

The last time I saw Diane was in the late 1980's- she was going to re-marry and came to see me to seemingly ask my approval. Unemployed and with a still-scarred heart-I had to give her my blessing.

As the 1990's began- after so many jobs that amounted to nothing in the end- I found my niche in the news business. Thoughout that decade- all of my energies and dedication went into that job. Now in my 40's- I more or less gave up on relationships.

By the time the new century unfolded- I had found Internet chat. With it came scores of available women- stretched across all corners of the globe.

By this time I had changed too- I had become totally honest and open with others- a resolve not really suited to Internet chat.

Yet I would be rewarded with another my own age who shared those feelings. A new relationship with a Canadian woman- Jenan- re-introduced me to the joy of falling in love again.

Again- I was in over my head. This time however- the summit of my affections was nearly 2000 miles away. That distance and a seeming change in our relationship due to differences continued to eat away at what I thought was a strong foundation we had built.

Still adoring Jenan but with the reality of the writings on the wall- we would slowly but surely drift away from each other by the beginning of this year. The emptiness that she once filled slowly returned.

Until September 30.

After awaking that Sunday from a tough overnight shift- I found a message on the answering machine. It was Diane- trying to find me and wondering how I was doing. I called her back that evening and we ran down her cellphone battery after a 2+-hour conversation.

Three days later was my 55th birthday. Diane was one of the few people to remember it- and me. Her cellphone battery couldn't keep up over the next few weeks.

Then something wonderfully magic and totally unexpected happened- we rediscovered our relationship.

What I'd only drempt of many lonely nights was happening. We would have another chance.

I had told myself years before- if she ever again came back into my life- I would tell her all those genuine and heartfelt feelings I've had for her since our eyes first met in September of '74.

I told her these things and what I didn't know was that during all these lost years- she had felt exactly the same way about me.

I write this after Diane left here a short time ago- having been with her almost constantly over the past 5 days.

This time though we acknowledge and laid bare the deep feelings- the affection- the passion. We understand the folly of trying to hide our 33-year unresolved feelings for each other. We both know there will be bumps in our new road- no matter how carefully constructed.

This time we realize that the prize far outweighs any pains we may encounter- that with our deepest love and respect- no mountain is insurmountable.

This time we commit- for real- forever.

One soulmate's chapter of the Book of My Life will need re-writing. This time- with an unexpected end- actually a new beginning.

For like that candle for the darkness- everywhere I go she'll be with me.

Oh- once I settle on a cloud- the postings will resume with regularity....

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